i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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