He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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