im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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