Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
