Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You dont lie about slip and slides
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Randomize