Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
