It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
