I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
