I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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