wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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