Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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