cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
