So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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