Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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