Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
