I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
