dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
