I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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