He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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