ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize