I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
