Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
