His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
