her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
