how can u be prego again
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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