On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
