It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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