im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
