walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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