It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
