I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
