you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
