listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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