dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
