I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
