Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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