i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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