Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it was like eating out sand paper
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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