She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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