the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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