i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
