dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
