Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
