You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
