But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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