Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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