its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
