is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
