Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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