lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
