i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
