You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
two words...techno handjob
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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