I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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