Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
