he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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