I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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