YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
