Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
