Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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