We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
