my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize