The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
