i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The uberlube is also flammable
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
we're so committed to being not committed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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