What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
