Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
